It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
