my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
