last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
