Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
