I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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