I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize