We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
