Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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