If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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