you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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