mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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