Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
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