Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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