I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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