Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't deserve a penis
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
