I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
