You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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