I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
