Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
