I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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