He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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