just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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