he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
as a side note pls kill me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
