Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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