grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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