you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
love makes seman taste better
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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