apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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