I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
