you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
