yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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