wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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