So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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