good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize