I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
