I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
