i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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