I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
