Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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