Define "chronic" masturbator.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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