This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
