her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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