i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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