I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
