I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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