Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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