Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
