I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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