Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
