I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize