I wish i was in the wii world.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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