? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
