i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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