I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
