if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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