remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
