dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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