he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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