Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize