remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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