Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hippo gnu deer
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
