Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
