My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
