Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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