I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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