At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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