You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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