Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
