New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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