Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
