apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
