Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
