Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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