that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
