yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
