it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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