pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
