After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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