I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
