I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
