There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
