I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
