matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
