you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
