So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
