Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This house was built for laser tag.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
