went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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