Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
