i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
